(i)
There was loot and rape and slavery but
Is it loss enough to settle the score
I see her crouched on my garden wall.
Remember what a bugle meant?
Flag pennant colours
remember?
We grew up watching the same films,
you know what I’m talking about: a battlefield
shields snug against shields, swords tingling
with unshed blood and bones stiff with knowing
they could lie bleaching under a foreign sun
and if there was any loving yet to be done
it was left too late.
The king and his nearest kin, fighting men all.
A bugle on someone's lips waiting for his call.
A sky purpling like a bruise, grasses whispering
to bare ankles of kisses imagined, love unconfessed.
Men looking into the black eyes of the end
and then: now! aye, now!
Flags, stabs, missed throws then night’s relief,
Sleep.
Send for allies. Count the fallen.
Weep.
The fight was not equal but a decent war had rules.
Dawn to dusk, that was one.
And none but men fighting face to face dared
speak of honour.
A torn chest was battle,
a dagger in the back was not.
A king who dared not lead the charge
waged no war.
He was a traitor looking for a back turned
in trust.
There was loot and rape and slavery but
every foot soldier knew:
the spoils of war are not war.
My friend, you say it is the same
old thing though we both know,
with every battle skirmish coup,
the soldier changes, the enemy is new.
Even so, come walk with me.
Count the dead and missing, let us see
what weapons they brought to the field
what vengeance you wrought.
Let us gauge how badly who lost
this thing you call a war.
Is it loss enough to settle the score
on your ancient ledger?
Do the math, my friend,
and when you are done,
sound the bugle for battle’s end.
*
(ii)
There she is.
Creeping around my backyard.
Came indoors with her kittens once.
Just like that!
Just hangs around swatting at pigeons.
Doesn't bother the rats.
I had to take rabies shots once.
Five shots, and for what?
Trying to save her worthless spawn.
We're not friendly, no.
I see her crouched on my garden wall.
Sometimes I hiss until she turns her head.
Our eyes meet but it's not
like hi-hello.
More like, yeah, I’m here
you're there.
She’s got her ways that I don’t like
but what the hey! She’s got her life,
I’ve got my life.
The point is, the difference between
your politics and mine is
the cat lives.
*
(iii)
I will not make the cut-us-and-do-we-not-bleed
argument (can you imagine the horror
if one of us failed to bleed from a cut?)
My argument is, we also bleed
when our own brothers cut us.
And you bleed when your own
cut you (and quite often, they do).
*
(iv)
Let
us make a balance sheet. First, make two columns:
X
Ancestors Y
Ancestors
1.
were folk from north or west of the indus 1. were folk from north
or west of the indus
who
mated with eastern and southern people who mated with the eastern
and/or southern people
who were perhaps overcome by force. who were perhaps overcome by force.
who were perhaps overcome by force. who were perhaps overcome by force.
your
ancestors were ambitious, restless, but your ancestors were
ambitious, restless, but
they
settled down, and were either unable to they settled down, and
were either unable to
destroy
the people native to this land or were destroy the people native to
this land or were
reluctant to.
they learn to know and love. reluctant to. they learn to
know and love.
the
races slowly mingled and became the races slowly
mingled and became
doctors,
farmers, hunters, cooks, singers, doctors, farmers, hunters,
cooks, singers,
weavers,
drum-beaters, saints. their words weavers, drum-beaters,
saints. their words
are
evidence that every heart beats are evidence that
every heart beats
to
the same drum. to the
same drum.
2.
broke temples that housed different gods 2. broke temples that
housed different gods
but
also took from them new shades of faith. but also took from them
new shades of faith.
they
built palaces and forts, ships and ports, they built new mosques,
and some temples too
step-wells,
temples and some mosques too. and gardens, canals, tombs, forts,
step-wells.
they
learnt from new rival-allies new grace they learnt from new
rival-allies new graces
of
gates, domes, dress, song. of pillars,
dress, speech, song.
3.
waged war 3. waged war
a
lot. a lot.
4.
had, then lost 4. had,
then lost
empires empires
5.
wrote poetry, mused on nature 5. wrote poetry,
mused on nature
and
the substance of divinity and the
substance of divinity
6.
made allies, if not friends, through women 6. made allies, if not
friends, through women
and
wombs, laid claim to land and wombs, laid
claim to land
and
river and the pulsing strength of wrists and river and the
pulsing strength of wrists
that
could wring necks, if they chose to. that could wring
necks, if they chose to.
7.
died in wars they didn't understand. 7. died in wars they
didn't understand.
8.
changed with time. 8. changed
with time.
sometimes
they did time in refugee camps. sometimes they did time in
refugee camps.
often
they spent hours waiting in line often they were
welcome nowhere else and so
for
low-cost housing lottery forms. they huddled in
madarsas and mosques
they
suffered heat, cold, waves of nausea they suffered heat,
cold, waves of nausea
and
a terror of never being safe. they tried moving out
somewhere safe but were met
they
raged as new ladders disappeared with five seconds of
silence across a phone line
into
the bog of ancient laws, unyielding after they told the
real estate broker their names.
as
ice. often, they tried to get away to a new often they lay awake
in bed and sometimes were shamed
land
where they thrived but found they were by how much they longed to
be warmed
now
the wrong sort of other. by the touch of
the other's hand.
these
kings, those queens, yours and mine
were
pawns on the chessboard of time.
we
were knights falling off the high horse of fealty
and
going down in heavy armour
into
the red dust of a nation's history
arms
flailing like windmills trying to stave off
a
suspicion.
soon
all argument will be reduced to broken tiles
all
fortresses will be ruins for lovers to tangle in
all
temples, mosques, chapels, monasteries will have no part
to
play save that of a hospice for bursting hearts.
*
(v)
We
have come to ask for your infant son.
We
need him to lay a new black tar road.
We
heard that's how smooth roads are done.
Good
roads require sacrifice.
It’s
only fair we all take turns.
Makes
things nice and uniform.
Agreed?
why/why
not?
We
hear the electricity department cannot
function
without petrol bombs being lobbed
into
lanes holding up so tight,
no
husband-wife can make love or fight
without
hearing a neighbour sucking her tongue
in
disbelief.
We
hear the street is to burn like a box of matches,
one
house setting off the next.
Thus
everyone pitches in.
We
were hoping your house could
volunteer
as the nerve center
to
set alight our common discontent.
Surely
you have no objection?
why/why
not?
Would
you send your sister please
down
to the corner where men sit down to compare
the
circumference of chests and
debate
whether biceps are worth more
than
a spine
and
whether holding peace is a criminal act
and
if you can define crime as that
which
was not covered up in time.
In
short, the
stuff of which nations are built.
why/why
not?
So
then? How do you propose
to
contribute to the nation?
Going
about your business?
Waiting
for a tax deducted salary cheque?
Wearing
the clothes you've always worn?
Eating
whatever you can hold of?
My
friend! My friend!
This
funny attachment to your own misery
These
charred remains of youth
Your
desire to grow old
Your
ability to reproduce
Keep
fasts
Cook
Surely
you know
there
is more, much more a patriot must do?
And
if we do not volunteer you, then
who?
*
(C)
Annie Zaidi
